I write this post today with a heart full of so much love and as an official mommy to Olivia Lee. She’s perfect. I was always wondering how my birth story would go, and it started a couple of weeks early! Olivia just couldn’t wait a day longer and made her way into this world at 10:53 a.m. on Thursday, August 9th. Little did I know that on Wednesday night as I prepared to go to bed, when the clock hit midnight…my water would break (I’m sure one could make a Cinderella joke here somewhere). There are several things that people just don’t tell you or get wrong completely. For example, “oh it’s just a little trickle of water when your water breaks.” Um how about it’s like Niagra Falls and it doesn’t stop until you give birth!!
Luckily Josh and I had everything set for the most part so we snagged our stuff we packed for the hospital and headed out once my doctor called back and said to go. Fun fact, “Sweet Child of Mine” came on the radio when the hubs rounded the entrance to the hospital. We were arriving a party of two and will be leaving a party of three.
We went up to the top floor for labor and delivery and the “oh shit this is really happening” feeling was really setting in. I wasn’t having contractions until a whole half hour after my water broke so I was spared that pain until we were actually at the hospital. And boy did those contractions ramp the hell up quickly. Let me tell you, getting an epidural was the best decision I EVER made. While you can’t get up and walk around during labor, they had birthing ball techniques I could still do laying down. But as I was waiting for the anesthesiologist to make her way to my room, there were several things that were running through my mind.
- Can this be over now?
- He did this to me (looks over at hubs) how fucking dare him.
- I hope I don’t do any permanent damage to hubby’s hand since I’m about to break it with each contraction I have.
I won’t get too graphic with the details, but an epidural doesn’t get rid of ALL the pain. No, no. There are rectal contractions that are just as bad almost as regular contractions. Then I was told that since I was progressing and getting closer and closer to 10 cm, I should be delivering my baby before lunchtime. (insert holy shit I don’t know if I’m ready for all this thoughts here).
After enduring some painful contractions, the doctor finally came in and told me that it’s time to finally push and have this baby. After buckling down and four pushes later, I heard the cries of my baby girl entering this world. It was both one of the most surreal, most emotional moments of my life having my daughter being handed to me for the first time. Suddenly nothing else mattered and nothing else dawned on me (i.e. the trauma my nether parts just endured). My healthy baby girl was in my arms. She’s healthy, has all 10 tiny fingers and toes, and she was perfect.
I’m still amazed that I made this tiny little girl and that I have this new role as her mommy. We stayed at the hospital for a couple of days after even though we thankfully didn’t have any complications that couldn’t be managed at home. I was bummed for having to stay at all…(I hate hospitals, they creep me out). We limited visitors to immediate family and before we knew it, it was time to bring our baby girl home.
Like every other first time parent, I was scared. Suddenly we were on our own to decipher what her cries meant…to swaddle her tightly enough, to feed her (breastfeeding is legit a full-time job), and to make sure she’s the happiest/healthiest baby. Luckily we’re blessed to have an amazing support group of family and friends to come and help with SO much as we focus on our little one from people bringing food to my mom (God bless her) coming over just to clean the house and drop off whatever we need. These first few weeks have been so hard, but whenever I look at her sweet little face whether her tiny little lungs are screaming or she smiles so big…it’s worth absolutely every lost hour of sleep and near breakdown. I’d do everything and anything for her. My little peanut has changed my whole world and all I can do is smile as my heart is just bursting with so much love.