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UnF*ck Yourself…at least by 30

UnF*ck Yourself…at least by 30

I’m reading this book called UnF*ck Yourself and I have to say, it really has changed my way of thinking. I’m impressed. Maybe it’s because this guy uses profanity to get his point across, but it really does make a lot of sense. I.e. His concept of willing and unwilling. You feel more empowered with your decisions and your life if you realize that you are either willing or unwilling rather than saying, “I can’t.” Try it, it really does give you an increased sense of control over yourself and holding yourself more responsible. For example, “I can’t clean out my closet that looks like a tornado hit it” versus “I am unwilling to spend half of a weekend cleaning out said closet that looks like a tornado hit it.” See? It’s not that I can’t, I’m perfectly capable of cleaning it, I am just unwilling. Sure not a lot of people are want to hold themselves accountable for things, but welll….#adulting.

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I’ve really been trying to adult more. Ever since it really hit me that yes, this is my last year in my 20’s, I’ve been making this transition from “getting your shit together” to “yes, I have my shit together.” Easier said than done. I don’t know about you, but I feel like your 20’s are when you’re expected to make a fuck ton of mistakes, learn a lot, do a lot of stupid things – but hey that’s okay and expected because you’re in your 20’s. NOW once you hit your 30’s, you better slow your roll and not wear all of that polyester shit from Forever 21. According to your parents, you should be either in a serious relationship or married and if you’re married thinking about having babies. (Gold star for checking two out of three off?)

Oh and one other adulty thing I’ve been getting the hang of is traveling for business purposes. Finally, I can join the club of collecting points and hopefully one day gaining platinum gold first business class status or some other obnoxious priority boarding status that clearly brands you as better than anyone else. Like really, step aside less worldly travelers. Until then, I’m among said less worldly travelers. My most recent trip was to sunny Florida. Although it was a quick trip, I was able to enjoy a beautiful sunset at Clearwater Beach for the first time.

Nothing like enjoying some wine and enjoying a sunset like that after a long day of networking and attending a conference. Before I knew it, I was back on a plane, (hell yes I got an aisle seat with no one sitting next to me) however it took FOREVER to get off the plane. Minus one gold star for my non-adulting moment for internally freaking out and wanting to slink over seats because people are just so damn slow. In fact, due to my dramatically increased travel schedule, let’s go into my top 5 things that annoy the shit out of me when traveling:

1. People not even aware of any TSA security measures. (Yes woman, your boots with a million buckles on them will set off the scanner. That huge Fiji water bottle? Chug that shit before you get through security!!! NOT ALLOWED.
2. To the person who brings the smelliest seafood-type dish on the plane. Just…fuck you.
3. Small talk when you sit next to another person on a plane…preferably keep it at a minimum…especially if it’s a 6 a.m. flight. Last time, dude decided to ask a million questions when I really just wanted to zone out and listen to the new Ed Sheeran album.
4. Shrieking children. Let me explain. Yes, I do feel REALLY bad for the parents whose children are just freaking out, flying for the first time, and are just acting out like little monsters despite what they do. HOWEVER, I’ve been in situations where the parent does NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING to control the child who is freaking out. Like they were just crossing their fingers that they’ll just tire themselves out and just focus on their Nutella snack pack for the rest of the trip. Mindblowing. Please no.
5. To the flight attendants who bitch you out when you have your small wristlet out for a second so you can scan your boarding pass and they count it as a third bag and the third bag MUST be consolidated into your carry-on. Chill the fuck out.

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Let’s not forget about the person next to you who is sneezing, coughing, and wheezing all over the place too. It’s like when someone in the office coughs once and you yell obscenities in your head because it’s inevitable that you’re going to get sick too. However, this instance is a lot scarier because who the hell knows a. what they have and b. where they came from. For all you know, you’re one cough away from contracting some deadly airborne disease. Maybe I should stop watching Apocalypse-type movies.

For the past week I’ve been sick, although not from contracting some deadly, Ebola-grade virus. It was only a fever/strep throat/severe cold combination. Even worse, I couldn’t taste anything for days. I mean, why even eat? There’s no point. The second I can’t taste my coffee in the morning, just end me.

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Now, as of today, I can actually smell/taste things again and it is so glorious. Now the goal is to not gain any of the weight back that I’ve lost during my sickness. I at least owe myself that much right? #lifegoals.

Cheers to starting a new week without being a congested mess! Hooray!